in His embrace

Though she might despise the fall, and curse its stripping of her soul, she rejoices in His catching her, because it is in this inevitable embrace, she sees more clearly, hears more audibly and understands His love more.

In the stripping of our soul, and the breaking of our heart, He makes a way. He makes a way for us to see His face, to hear His voice and He softens our heart to trust Him more. A month ago, I only thought the fall had shaken its leaves off this tree. However, the falling I’ve encountered over the past week is a fall I never imagined. It’s a fall I’ve feared, but never thought possible. It’s a fall that broke me beyond breaking. It’s a fall I didn’t know I was capable of. It’s a fall that brought me more low than I’ve been. But, it’s a fall that was necessary, a fall neccesary to make a way for growth. A growth I couldn’t accomplish from being perfect; a growing I could not accomplish in my own performance; a growth I need desperately, but can’t achieve. This growth is nothing of me, in fact, it highlights my sin, it boasts of my weakness, it leaves me alone. It leaves me naked, broken, despairing and desperate. But in this desperation, He is needed, nothing else will do. And in my needing Him, he catches me, and in His embrace, this growth becomes possible. Not only does it become possible, but it becomes an opportunity for rich testament of His gospel. It becomes a place of beauty, of glory, of majesty. It shows of His redemptive work that transforms, shapes and molds us, lowly and despised, into the image of His son, honored and prized.

This growth, it’s stupid. It takes our depravity, and it makes it beautiful, radiating glory. Our depravity, that of rubbish, most disgusting, the furthest from truth, the most tainted of good, our sin, He takes it. He takes our shame, and makes it for His fame. It doesn’t make sense. The gospel. It doesn’t make sense. The love of it, the grace of it, the hope of it, it’s too much. It makes nothing of us, it leaves us with no word, no explanation, nothing, nothing except Jesus. Jesus. Jesus, our everything. My fall, my weakness, my shame, my despair looks to Jesus. And in Jesus, in His embrace, this place of desperation discovers a soul revived, a soul strong, a soul relishing in the stripping, because it’s remedy is Jesus.

In His embrace, in this place of desperate glory, where nothing else will remedy, Jesus has me, undistracted, so feeble, so lifeless, unresistant, at rest, with no strength to run or fight or wrestle, He has me. There he lifts the veil clouding my eyes, and speaks tenderly into my ear and the truth of His promise enters the softness of my heart, and it changes me. It changes me.

I am not the same.

So, today, I trust. I trust that He cares for me. I have not to worry. I cannot take thought outside of His promise, of the truth of His word. I am to be. To be in this moment, with Him. In His embrace. He has me. He holds me. He cares for me. I am not to worry. But, I must, I must testify, because, dear, He cares for you too. He longs to get you in His embrace, to speak tenderly to the softness of your heart. He longs to have you, here, in this moment, with Him. Where are you running? Where do you think your strength is sufficient? or your plan is better? Where are you being deceived? Where don’t you believe? Where are you trying to accomplish what He has promised to do in His beautiful time? Just be.

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;” -Psalm 37: 3-7

He caught her

Once upon a fall, he caught her.

Sweet dear, wake up… let your first conscious thought stir into my affection. Feel the warmth of this fall sunrise on your face. I want to meet with you… There you are, my darling, good morning! Those eyes, I havn’t seen them so soft, so surrendered, so light, in so long. I see you, dear Kara, my beloved, I’ve been waiting months to see your gaze again. Your tender gaze, the way you rest in my arms, the stillness of your soul, I have missed you, my dearly, I have missed you so. Lay with me. You are safe here. Don’t move. Don’t wrestle. Just be. Just be with me. I have you. I won’t let you go. Keep your eyes fixed right here… Shhh… You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to do, just be… Be with me, where you belong. Rest here, relief is here, right here, with me. My sweet, my, my, my dear, you are beautiful. You are precious. You are mine. Do you remember this? You are mine. My delight. My prize. My beloved. You are my beloved. I have named you as mine, one whom I radically love. But my sweet dear, my precious one, Where have you been? I’ve been fighting hard for this gaze, for this rest, for this trust. Have you been running from me? Where have you been hiding? That sneaky ole serpent, he’s at it again, isn’t he? His way of trickery, I know he’s at it again. He is relentless. He’s out to get you, my dear. He wants you to forget moments like these. He wants to separate you from me, to distract you from my love. My love, I will warn you. He knows you well. He knows you all too well. He knows what to whisper, and how to decieve, he knows how wet your longing outside of me. He’s had twenty six years to study you, watch you, follow you, and even before then, he anticipated his way of attack to steal you from me. He is on the prowl, stalking, seeking to devour, to kill and steal and destroy. I know you are weary. I know you are tired of resisting him. I know you are exhausted from his lies. I know you are hurt and scared from his schems. I know, dearly, I do know. I’ve been there,  and I empathize with you. This war, it will be over soon enough, but for now, you will battle, and precious one, you aren’t strong enough. Your fight isn’t mighty enough. But my love, not to worry. I hold you. Nothing, absolutely nothing can take you from my embrace. Long ago, I claimed victory over this war.  But, I need you to trust me, to trust my strength and not your own. Oh, sweet one, I want you. I want all of you, desperately, whole, forever mine. I want your gaze. I want your rest. I want you. I have secured you as mine. But dearly, you doubt me. You don’t believe this about me. You struggle to understand what I have done for you. It cost me everything, my life, but my love, you are worth it. You, I am so jealous for, and I will fight to show you my love, every day, I will fight. So, my beloved, rest. Rest in me. You’ve been trying to fight on your own, havn’t you? Aren’t you weary? Come to me. Let me take a look at those wounds. Oh sweet, those must sting, they are fresh and exposed. Heartwrentching pain huh? I know these wounds, afflicting, piercing… I feel the pain with you, even more than you can bare, I suffer this same sting. I suffered it for you long ago. I want to take it from you, can I? Can I take the pain from you? Would you let me kiss it? I know you don’t want me to, but it will bring healing. I promise, my touch, it heals… Now, then… These wounds, they’re all too familiar aren’t they? This isn’t your first battle is it? My little fighter, you are so ruthless in your rebellion, darling, you go so hard, with so much zeal and fervor, you run, you run like the wind, away from me, disregarding my strength, and you expose yourself to so much hurt. And as grieved as I am, I rejoice in this return. In this moment. I delight in rescuing you. I rejoice, because I get to show you my power, and might and love for you like you wouldn’t know if you didn’t run so hard. Let’s take a look at these scars, I want to show you something. I want to remind you of who I am, and what I have done. I promise, my dear, I will do it again and again and again. I am your healer. Look here, see this one. You may not remember it as clearly as I do. You were young, youthful and innocent. My dear, this wound was one inflicted upon you.  You had no control, you were powerless. I wanted to protect you, because I knew how disabling this wound would be, but more than that, I knew how beautiful I could make it. I know so much more, and I know that now for a little while, this wound would bring great suffering, great pain and great heartache, but I also can see the beauty in it the full awe of it. I knew that in allowing this wound, you would be destined to fall back into my arms over and over again.  It was gruesome, debilitating, earth shattering, and jaw dropping, they gaped upon your wallowing and asked, “Will she make it? Will she survive? That is a messy one.” I assured the great cloud, “Oh, this one, she will thrive. Though intended for evil, I will make this attack beautiful, glorious and of my splendor.” And look at you now! You are radiant. Even in your hurting, in your limping and despairing, you glow my glory.  I will come back to secure it. And all these others, they are secondary scars, where you ran away to find healing for this one outside of me. Some self inflicted, others of an attack.These scars, my dear, they aren’t meant to hide, to be ashamed of. Sweet Kara, these scars testify of my redeeming work. It’s miraculous. So don’t hide them, expose them, so that others can experience healing, also. I’m bringing this wound there, to my complete and whole and redeemed glory. Thats what this war is about. My victory. It has been finished. Rest in the reality that I have already fought this for you. I know you’ve been chasing after the wind lately, but I have you home now. I want to tend to you, to care for you. Will you let me? All you need is to be. Be still. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You are mine. Love of my life, look deep in my eyes. There you will find what you need. And give me your life, the lust and the lies and the past you’re afraid I might see. You’ve been running away from me, but you are my beloved, lover, I’m yours. Death shall not part us, it’s you I died for. For better or worse, forever we’ll be. My love it unites us, and it binds you to me. It’s a mystery. I’m the giver of life. I’ll clothe you in white. My immaculate bride you will be. Oh, come running home to me. You’ve been a mistress, my wife, chasing lovers that won’t satisfy. Won’t you let me make you my bride? You will drink of my lips, and taste new life. You’re my beloved.